You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
