Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
