it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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