yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
