he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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