He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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