remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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