Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize