I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
