This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
