something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize