that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize