Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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