Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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