I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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