Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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