he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You're like the curious george of whores
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
