the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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