I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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