i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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