Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
