So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
