i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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