There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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