I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize