And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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