2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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