There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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