I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im six kinds of drunk right now
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The police scanner is talking about you again....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
