When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize