i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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