I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
