No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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