sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
