I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
