we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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