I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How does one acquire holy water?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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