i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
