Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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