It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
