I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
