I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
