I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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