woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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