So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
