OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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