You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
