Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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