Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
