im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
