i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
