Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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