party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
