she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
