We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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