I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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