those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
