trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
