Hey man sorry I got all grabby
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
