he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you win again, gameday.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
