I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize