Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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