You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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