Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
