I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize