that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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