Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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